The CD2 Love Theory: Volume I (Part 2)

Let's go back to, say, high school, because this is where this happens the most. There is a boy we are going to call Mark (pun intended as you will see) and a girl named Tonya (I only call her Tonya because I really could not think of a girl name and my cousin just called me. His mother, which is my cousin also, is named Tonya).

Mark likes Tonya. He is not just infatuated with Tonya, he really likes her on multiple levels. The overwhelming majority of guys run into, at least once, that one gal that owns their heart, whether guys would admit that or not. This is even true for the most tenured and sophisticated playas. Mark's heart has been confiscated by Tonya.

Mark, overtaken by this new strong feeling for Tonya, finally learns that he must come up with a way to get her. Like Alex Hitchings said (I'm paraphrasing since I can't remember the line exactly), "a man can't simply approach [a woman] and say, 'gee, I like you. I would like to get to know you.'" Ain't happenin'.

So, Mark decides to make it happen. He does so many things for Tonya. He helps her with her homework, carries her books for her, shares his lunch with her sometimes, goes out of his way to accommodate her when she is feeling down, always makes sure she has what she needs, and provides her with many other caring-type acts.

After weeks of his caring acts, Mark finally decides to make the final move to take their friendship to the next level. He has that moment with her in which he tells her how he truly feels about her. Then, he asks if she wants to be his girlfriend...

Tonya, without any intention to hurt Mark's feelings, kindly tells him that she would like to have him just as a friend, and that she does not have those kind of feelings for him.

Mark is not only hurt, he is livid. He feels that he has done so much for her, and she does not want to return anything to him...

Don's proposal to Megan (Jessica Pare)

So, why did Don go for Megan rather than the perfect Faye? Well, we must realize that those internal unexplainable feelings we feel when we are confronted with that person that makes our world stop will always supersede those feelings that occur as a result of people doing things for us. Don cannot explain the feelings he has for Megan.

In the book I am currently reading, Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell, the thesis is that our unconscious works to process information and gives us the best answer right away rather than having to take in scores of information before we make a conscious decision.

With Megan, Don's unconscious probably did most of the work without him being aware, hence the unconscious. He unconsciously knew wanted Megan even though he spent a short amount of time with her as opposed to the large amount of time he spent with Faye.

Faye was there for Don similar to the way that Mark was there for Tonya. However, simply being there for someone will not get the other person to like them in the way that Don likes Megan. In The Social Animal, by Elliot Aronson, he either cites or conducted research (I can't properly cite it because my book is packed away in a box right now), that shows that what determines whether a person likes someone is not by the things that the person does for another person, but by what they can get that other person to do for them. For instance, you can tell if you are liked if that other person is more than willing to do favors for you, which could be something simply as getting food for you at a party, or taking you to get your car from the shop after work. And, doing things for that other person does not necessarily mean that other person will like you because of it.

With Faye, and Mark from the story in the beginning, you can tell that their feelings were one-sided. Faye gave so much to Don, but Don did not really do much, if anything, for her in return. A sign that perhaps Don did not have the same feelings Faye probably had. Mark gave so much to Tanya , but Tanya did nothing for Mark in return. A sign that Tonya did not have the same feelings as Mark had.

(So embarrassing) Savage Garden

*Sigh*. I am going to lose serious Man Points right now, but that's ok. Like I said in one of my previous notes, I like being embarrassed. So, in my music library exists a song that I have liked since I was in about the 10th grade. I used to have trouble sleeping in the middle of high school. I would go to sleep normally, but inexplicably wake up at 2 or 3am and could not go back to sleep. I essentially operated in the 10th and 11th grade on 3 or 4 hours of sleep everyday. When I couldn't sleep, I would watch tv. I once stumbled upon music videos on VH1's Insomniac Music Videos that played from, I think, 2am to 6am. I saw one song and video by an Aussie tandom called Savage Garden. That song was Crash and Burn, and I liked it. I always say that we have no control over what we like. Some time later, I found that I like merely two additional songs by them,  with the one of interest being I Knew I Loved You.

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
More than a little
Crazy but I believe

(Chorus)
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only a sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound
More than a little
Crazy but I believe

(Chorus)...

I was blown away by this song, and at the same time, even to this day, it challenges my [lack of] belief in love at first sight (though "love after a couple or few sights). Anyhow, this "intuitive" feeling that Savage Garden had is what Don felt about Megan and what Tonya didn't feel for Mark.

Going back to Gladwell's Blink, is it our unconscious working and telling us when something is good for us? Is this what happened for Don with Megan? I now believe Savage Garden is on to something and you know what? Perhaps there could be something to the whole love at first sight thing...??? Perhaps the CD2LT's second volume will get to this...