Things Men Love That I Don't Care For

Hey Chris! I miss you a lot! I've been so busy in the studio though. You know how I do ;-) Why didn't you tell me you started a blog! Call me sometime! - Keri

Ever since I was a little fat socially awkward kid, I have always been consider weird. I never really cared, especially once I figured out that weird only means different. I never tried to be different; rather, I did as I pleased and believed in what I believed in because it was what I believed in. I never let my thoughts, feelings, or actions be affected (unless necessary) by others.

Also while growing up, I had to sit through being with a bunch of dudes. During this time, I found that so many of the things that they love I just never cared for. Here are the ten things that guys that I grew up with or around love that don't do much for me.

Tio - Large Breasts

Number ten on this list will cause plenty of dudes to jack me for some of my man points. They can have them. I love breast just like any man, don't get me wrong. They make great accessories (I didn't realize how the word "accessories" is hilarious until I just proofread this note, LOL), but they don't drive me as wild as with most guys, especially the really enormous ones. When they get tooooo big, they become weird to me and makes me feel bad for the girl. I'm sure every female with larger than life milk cartons will act like they don't like the attention they receive. So that's not why I feel sorry for them. I do because they are going to possibly have some back issues later on in life. And what a sad story if and when those thing start their great migration to the south. Good lord. I'll just have a cute face and a side of legs, and I'm good to go. If the breasts are there, that's fine too.

Sidenote: A female I recently chilled with has breast that are almost perfect. Very noticeable, but not too big or small. Firm but not pointy or floppy. So good were they that they made me a breastman for one day.

Tisa - Cars

We all know of those [mostly] dudes. They are always working on a damn car and never end up driving it. I just don't get it. I really don't. Cars do nothing for me other than they provide a more efficient way of transporting myself across vast distances. I can wash my car, put gas in, and...that's really about it. I can't even do an oil change because the model I have now has an unreachable oil filter. I have a cousin and few friends that are always working on cars. I used to work with a guy that would just go on about the car he was working on. To not live up to the first four letters of my last name, I would just tell him to "shut the f*** up!" only in my mind. Cars still rank low on the list because there is some aesthetic quality to them and they are a staple of your life if you are an Angelino as I am.

Osm - "Sounds"

Growing up, my dad always had to hook the entertainment center up with "sounds." He was always running wires everywhere and putting up speakers. I just never understood how any of that stuff works. To this day, I have no idea what a subwoofer does. Hell, I couldn't tell you what the treble does. I know the bass just makes things vibrate, and that's about it. Just as with the car guys, I know plenty of guys that have to have their home and/or cars tricked out with high-tech sound systems. The funny part is that with all that added sound, it's almost never played at or near the capacity of what their sound system is capable of. I like listening to enhanced sound however, but I don't have to have it, especially it if requires lots of work.

Sette - Action Flicks

Ok. I'll give you The Rock and Bad Boys I and II. After that, actions movies do nothing for me. There are only so many times I can sit through the Revenge angle, the Heroic Cops angle, the On the Run angle, the Heist angle, the Ransom angle and the Terrorist angle. Over dramatic gun battles, stunts, mass destruction, and explosions do nothing for me. The sole reason is that I have never seen any of this in real life once. For once I want to see something  like this happen in the streets of L.A. or something. I read from a Hollywood director that people want to see in theaters what they don't want to see or experience in real life. But on some level these movies are based on reality. I'm only asking for a scene out of an action movie to happen once (well once again if we include the North Hollywood bank robbery shootout back in '97, something out a scene from the movie Heat).

Roku- "Going Body"

As a child, my friends used to like to "go body." Going body is basically two dudes standing about a couple feet apart and just letting each other sock each other as hard as they could, so long as they only connect with the body and not the face. I have high pain tolerance. However, this does not mean that I like voluntarily inflicting pain on myself. I just don't get guys that like inflicting pain on themselves when they don't have to. I'm guessing God forgot to put that gene in my DNA. This is part of the reason why I had absolutely no intentions of continuing to play football after high school. Rather than proving how tough I am, I'd rather be able to playfully wrestle with my kids without worrying about chronic pain anywhere in my body. No thanks!

Cinco - Bragging About Sex Life

I guess I'm the only guy that has absolutely no interest in the sex lives of other dudes. Some guys are always pressing other guys on the issue. I've been often asked, "did you smash that yet?" "What's up with you and ole' girl?" Or other guys get the notion that I want to hear about their escapades. As a supportive friend, I listen, but I never ask them to expound on it. I just don't care. I also like the element of mystery, for some reason, which is why I never feel inclined to let people in on that part of my life. Also, info floats around and magically ends up in the ears of people you had no intentions of telling. Guys (and gals, I guess) beware!

Kune - Strip Clubs

I've never had any interest in strip clubs. I've been once, but here's the story. It was after game one of the 2010 NBA final between the Laker and Celtics. I was out with some homies. For whatever reason, the beers that I had got to me, and I was a little too woozy to drive. Often times some of my boys go to this strip club not far from where we hang out. They decided to go that night. I either had to stay at the hangout spot by myself, stay in my car until I sobered up, or go with them and have my boy take me back to my car afterwards. The latter happened and my boy didn't mind because he was excited that he finally convinced me to go after about three years of asking me. While there, nothing really blew me away. There were topless and naked women of course. The thing I took away the most was just the whole scene and culture. It was just new and kind of weird. I was there in a goofy, somewhat drunk mode. I was just chatting with the strippers and goofing off, not really taking things serious. However, my boys were explaining me the whole game that is required in the culture of strip clubs. I was truly fascinated.  Some of them seemed like cool, beautiful, regular women who I'd never think was an exotic dancer. Nonetheless, it just wasn't my kind of vibe. While there was that instant gratification of naked women everywhere, in the back of my mind I couldn't help having that sort of depressing feeling.

Tiga - Angelina Jolie

Really? I just don't see it. "Oh it's those lips?" Man, full lips is the norm for me. I grew up around black folks, so that doesn't work for me. I also think, for some reason, her lips look kind of weird. I have no issues with her acting, or how she [allegedly] confiscated Brad from Jennifer. Hell, Brad still had to chose her. However, the whole she is amazingly beautiful is something I never saw. Not saying she should have her face pixelated when on the screen, but I don't have her as being the most or one of the most beautiful women of this generation.



Zwei - Scarface

We've all seen MTV's Cribs. What do we always see in so many celebrities' and nearly all rappers' homes? That big ole' framed Tony Montana poster. I don't believe in God anymore (or at least believe in God they way I used to, which was the Christian way), but I'd be more satisfied if they all had posters of a blonde hair, blue-eyed poster of Jesus. Scarface is considered an all-time great movie by so many guys. My guess, stemming from a discussion with my father several years ago about the subject, is that Tony Montana is the quintessence of male bravado. Great. It just gets you full of lead on the end. Perhaps being high on coke and being pumped full of bullets is the life! No thanks. Men speak of how he rose to the top of the drug game and how in the end he "went out hard." Here's something novel. How about not "went out hard-ing" at all. What good did his life do him if he just ended up being killed in the end? The movie itself wasn't all that great to me after I finally watched it during my freshmen year of college. So, if you hate me, send me a Scarface poster for my birthday or Christmas.

One - Fart/Dump Jokes

There are so many things that I love about women. There are plenty of physical things I can get into. There are also personality traits that are great. One of the things I am with women on is how we think fart or dump jokes are not funny...at all. Guys find it very hilarious to just pass gas in people's faces. They also think it is funny to reference their adventures on the toilet. Really? Who in their right minds thinks there is some comedic  value to feces? I mean is there anything more disgusting? Apparently not to many guys out there. I just look at these things as a necessary bodily function and that's all. Nothing here to be glorified. I am with women on this one.

There you have it. Perhaps I am less of a man...