Will the Strong Black Women Please Stand Up
Just know that I am writing this "Through the Wire," as my jaws are super swollen from having three of my four wisdom teeth removed...
So here it is man. I was going to leave this alone because I'm kind of tired of the topic. However, I have heard more and more people talk about it. Yes, For Colored Girls. I'm mad because I was going to talk about why I think the Heisman Trophy is garbage, my top ten overrated/overhyped NBA players, or address why in the world did everyone think Chris Bosh was Tim Duncan (something I addressed a long time ago in my On The Decision FB note). But no, this sudden momentum has prompted me to address this whole woe-is-me culture that some (and I do mean some) black women are part of. I am supposed to sit here and cry for these black women out there that supposedly have it so bad. And here's the kicker. The ones that complain the most are the same ones that profess that they are great, strong black women. Can't have it both ways, as I will explain.
For Colored Girls
I was driving along to work one day when I saw one of those advertisement things at a bus stop. There she was. Janet's profile was straightforward with her chin slightly raised and a slight whimpering expression as if to say, "I was beaten down, but now I rise. For I am Janet!" I initially thought, "cool, looks like Janet is puttin' out a new album that is gonna come from deep in her heart after losing her brother and all." But when I saw the For Colored Girls title and the little "In Theaters" caption, I could do nothing but roll my eyes and scoff at not only the movie, but the whole notion of the tired black woman before speeding off while bumping some G.O.O.D. Fridays songs.
I haven't seen the movie, neither do I have the desire to ever see it at this moment (or read the poem or see the play or whatever it was initially). I am not here to bash the movie at all. Hell, maybe it is a great movie and maybe someday I'll Netflix it even if only to see my sweetheart, Phylicia Rashad. This whole piece is not a critique of For Color Girls, but rather the movie has motivated me to address The Modern Tired Black Woman (I will call them MTBW for the sake of typing convenience). I say Modern because I do know that black women in earlier times had it much worse than modern black women. They not only had to deal with issues in the black community, but had to deal with racial-social-gender issues that many modern women do not have to face as much.
The Modern Tired Black Woman
We've all seen or heard of the Modern Tired Black Woman. It's those that profess how much they have been mistreated by black men and society in general with Mary J. Blige leading the charge (and I have nothing against Mary J.). I acknowledge that it is possible for many MTBW to really be tired and are not deserving of it. Nonetheless, I will tell you why they need to get over it and start being the strong black woman that many of the MTBW proclaim to be.
The Modern Strong Black Woman (MSBW)
In my life, I have encountered plenty of these. While they may not have perfect lives or have had all perfect encounters with black men and society, they get over it. They were and are always nice, down to earth, intelligent, and do not sit back and complain about all that is wrong with black men and society. They just be a strong black women by actually acting like it without having to really tell anyone or convince anyone they are strong black women. This is just the opposite of what the MTBW does. I have no worries about MSBW. I know that those MSBW that have black men for significant others have chosen good ones or will end up choosing a good one when their time comes.
The MTBW Conundrum
The MTBW will sit there and gobble up all the Tyler Perry material and gain further confirmation of their thoughts, that us black men "ain't shit" and we are literally all or most of the cause of their problems. Now, the MTBW will also tell you how strong they are. That can be true, I'm not denying that. However, if one is so strong, why are they so tired in the first place? For instance, if there is a horrible man in a black woman's life and she is a strong black woman, she will not go out and rant about how black men are horrible or pound her chest saying that brothas can't handle a strong black woman like me. Instead, the MSBW will not make excuses, learn from the situation, and move on becoming stronger in the process. She knows that she is strong, and she carries on and does better for herself. There is no self-loathing as with the MTBW. The MTBW cannot keep telling us how strong they are and persist in being tired. They cannot have it both ways and be taken seriously by me.
Some Ways the Modern Tired Black Woman Can Get Some Rest
For the sake of brevity, I won't go into the societal part of the discussion. Besides, I think plenty of black women do well in the workforce, in business, politics, education, etc. However, I hear all the time how I am as a black man so horrible to black women. Well, here are some ways the black woman can get over that...
1. You know that brotha who is nice, humble, sweet, caring, and treats women with the upmost respect? Just admit it, you really don't want him. As a guy when it comes to mate selection, I live by two mantras. First, I "never trust her big butt and her smile." I see some guys get p****-whipped from their lustful tastes in a woman. However, they have to be aware of ulterior motives of this kind of girl and know that she has plenty of options and will keep them whipped because they are scared to lose her. Poor bastards. That's why you have let her know that you could (you don't want to let her know that you really do though) have options, but she's above all other conceivable options. But enough about The Game that men and women both play (LOL). Second, never marry the stripper. Now stripper doesn't mean an actual stripper, but rather those women that are only capable of having a good time on some occasions while not being capable of being in a long-term relationship, which is analogous to the stripper. She could have too much baggage or has no intentions of settling down. By living by these two mantras, I avoid being a tired black man and complaining that all black women are garbage.
My point in all that? I know that the most bootylicious girl with the greatest smile may not necessarily be the right girl for me. So, I avoid the trouble. Some of these MTBW need to figure out what's right for them and know that what's right for them may not coincide with what they [think they] want. I know that chili cheese fries taste so much better than baked chicken, brown rice, and broccoli (basically what I eat for dinner no less than half the time). But I also know that the latter is what's right for my long term diet. Some of the MTBW may not want that guy that is going to be great for them, but they have to realize what's right for them. It may not always be the one that all the other girls want (which is the David Spade Phenomenon...which I will possibly touch on in the future). He may not be at least six feet, three inches tall like he was dreamt to be. He may not be all about That Thing, as my girl Lauryn Hill would say. But you know what, since you are so tired and he's offering you a pillow, rest on it if for a little while (of course only if it is a good pillow...don't just crash on any ole' pillow...lol). You may have a long nap and wake up a rested MSBW.
2. You are in control of the types of men you are approached and courted by. Women will probably disagree with me on this, but hear me out. I just chatted with The Muse about how some of my friends get intimidated by certain women, which shocked the heck out of me. Well, they get intimidated because those women naturally command that we men go about approaching her in a correct manner. She is not necessarily stuck-up or anything like that, but she is not going to go for little games that less classy women play or succumb to. We men have to be legit and have actual merit to back up our game (and yes, unless a man is filthy rich, he will still need some kind of game...lol).
There are so many things I pick up on when checking out a woman before I decide to approach her or talk to her or whatever. It's her whole style. It's about how she dresses and what she wears, how she walks, the kind of bag she has, the kind of shoes she's wearing, her earrings, how she talks, how often she's talking into a cell phone, how she walks, the type of friends she has, among other things. I know you are thinking "what the hell is wrong with this guy?" But all these things are processed by me in a matter of seconds or minutes, it's just that the brain processes many things without our conscious awareness. If any of what I mentioned gives off signals in a certain way, a woman could be approached by a lesser quality of man. I'm not saying that's right or fair, I'm just saying how it is. Women have to be aware of the types of men that they naturally attract an ask themselves if this is what they really want. They will have to decide to accept it and just deal with it, or make the necessary modifications.
3. Just because you made a bad decision or two or got played, that does not mean all black men are horrible. I have had terrible encounters with women in which they were 99% at fault. Even with that, I know that there are plenty of good black women out there (and I'm sort of but not really into one at the moment...but it's a pretty sad story that hasn't really ended...sort of...lol). Just because those 3 or 4 women can go to hell (I'm being facetious of course...), I am not going to cast a large shadow over black women. Just the same for MTBW, they cannot blame all of us for what happened to them. Yeah, your got cheated on, but that was him and not all of us. Yeah, you were not treated with respect, but not all of us did it. The last women I dated wanted someone that would basically be daddy for her. I didn't want a daughter, but rather a partner. While she was smart, funny, beautiful, and sexy, and let it go. I didn't put myself in a position to be taken advantage of, though I wanted a lot of her in many other ways. I'm not saying, "oh, women are all out lookin' for just money and someone to take care of them." Wouldn't that be dumb? Well it's dumb when I hear how I'm looked down upon for something I had nothing to do with.
4. Go out side the box. I keep saying this over and over, but MTBW need to have a more open mindset. Black men (and all of us except your boyfriend, father, brothers, relatives, and your celebrity black male crushes) are all pathetic, right? Well, we black men aren't the only type of man that exists. Trying going outside the race. Why keep giving us a chance if you have determined that we are so terrible. Move on, but for some reason that is not an option. If you are going to keep walking into the fire, you cannot keep complaining to the world how you keep getting burned. Nobody is telling you or making you walk into the fire...
In Closing
MTBW need to just step up and be as they proclaim to be, strong. Being strong is not sitting back and complaining about how things are. Being strong is about making moves, learning from mistakes, and not letting setbacks or bad experiences consume your whole life. I know those Colored Girls were not treated ideally, I get it. While it's ok for a movie like For Colored Girls to be made and released, I just wish that more black women would not self-loath, and just start being strong if they are indeed strong. Also, just know that MTBW are not in the worst condition. Try living in Afghanistan where schools were blown up just because that school allowed female students. Try living in Iran where girls get stoned to death for stupid reasons. Try living in some of these African nations where female mutilation (I'm not calling it circumcision) is practiced on girls. And black women as a whole are doing much better than us black men as a whole. But there is no movement in pop-culture to speak of the black men who have it hard out there or actually does the right thing and gets overlooked. Black women, I love you to death, and I will keep saying that until I die or until the next black woman gives me a hard time (LOL). But I just need all those strong black women to stand up and stop with the self-loathing or complaining about black men and just get over it and move on. For those black women that aren't strong right now, may God lay her Footprints next you until you get that strength to move on and become a Modern Strong Black Woman.
So here it is man. I was going to leave this alone because I'm kind of tired of the topic. However, I have heard more and more people talk about it. Yes, For Colored Girls. I'm mad because I was going to talk about why I think the Heisman Trophy is garbage, my top ten overrated/overhyped NBA players, or address why in the world did everyone think Chris Bosh was Tim Duncan (something I addressed a long time ago in my On The Decision FB note). But no, this sudden momentum has prompted me to address this whole woe-is-me culture that some (and I do mean some) black women are part of. I am supposed to sit here and cry for these black women out there that supposedly have it so bad. And here's the kicker. The ones that complain the most are the same ones that profess that they are great, strong black women. Can't have it both ways, as I will explain.
For Colored Girls
I was driving along to work one day when I saw one of those advertisement things at a bus stop. There she was. Janet's profile was straightforward with her chin slightly raised and a slight whimpering expression as if to say, "I was beaten down, but now I rise. For I am Janet!" I initially thought, "cool, looks like Janet is puttin' out a new album that is gonna come from deep in her heart after losing her brother and all." But when I saw the For Colored Girls title and the little "In Theaters" caption, I could do nothing but roll my eyes and scoff at not only the movie, but the whole notion of the tired black woman before speeding off while bumping some G.O.O.D. Fridays songs.I haven't seen the movie, neither do I have the desire to ever see it at this moment (or read the poem or see the play or whatever it was initially). I am not here to bash the movie at all. Hell, maybe it is a great movie and maybe someday I'll Netflix it even if only to see my sweetheart, Phylicia Rashad. This whole piece is not a critique of For Color Girls, but rather the movie has motivated me to address The Modern Tired Black Woman (I will call them MTBW for the sake of typing convenience). I say Modern because I do know that black women in earlier times had it much worse than modern black women. They not only had to deal with issues in the black community, but had to deal with racial-social-gender issues that many modern women do not have to face as much.
The Modern Tired Black Woman
We've all seen or heard of the Modern Tired Black Woman. It's those that profess how much they have been mistreated by black men and society in general with Mary J. Blige leading the charge (and I have nothing against Mary J.). I acknowledge that it is possible for many MTBW to really be tired and are not deserving of it. Nonetheless, I will tell you why they need to get over it and start being the strong black woman that many of the MTBW proclaim to be.
The Modern Strong Black Woman (MSBW)
In my life, I have encountered plenty of these. While they may not have perfect lives or have had all perfect encounters with black men and society, they get over it. They were and are always nice, down to earth, intelligent, and do not sit back and complain about all that is wrong with black men and society. They just be a strong black women by actually acting like it without having to really tell anyone or convince anyone they are strong black women. This is just the opposite of what the MTBW does. I have no worries about MSBW. I know that those MSBW that have black men for significant others have chosen good ones or will end up choosing a good one when their time comes.
The MTBW Conundrum
The MTBW will sit there and gobble up all the Tyler Perry material and gain further confirmation of their thoughts, that us black men "ain't shit" and we are literally all or most of the cause of their problems. Now, the MTBW will also tell you how strong they are. That can be true, I'm not denying that. However, if one is so strong, why are they so tired in the first place? For instance, if there is a horrible man in a black woman's life and she is a strong black woman, she will not go out and rant about how black men are horrible or pound her chest saying that brothas can't handle a strong black woman like me. Instead, the MSBW will not make excuses, learn from the situation, and move on becoming stronger in the process. She knows that she is strong, and she carries on and does better for herself. There is no self-loathing as with the MTBW. The MTBW cannot keep telling us how strong they are and persist in being tired. They cannot have it both ways and be taken seriously by me.
For the sake of brevity, I won't go into the societal part of the discussion. Besides, I think plenty of black women do well in the workforce, in business, politics, education, etc. However, I hear all the time how I am as a black man so horrible to black women. Well, here are some ways the black woman can get over that...
1. You know that brotha who is nice, humble, sweet, caring, and treats women with the upmost respect? Just admit it, you really don't want him. As a guy when it comes to mate selection, I live by two mantras. First, I "never trust her big butt and her smile." I see some guys get p****-whipped from their lustful tastes in a woman. However, they have to be aware of ulterior motives of this kind of girl and know that she has plenty of options and will keep them whipped because they are scared to lose her. Poor bastards. That's why you have let her know that you could (you don't want to let her know that you really do though) have options, but she's above all other conceivable options. But enough about The Game that men and women both play (LOL). Second, never marry the stripper. Now stripper doesn't mean an actual stripper, but rather those women that are only capable of having a good time on some occasions while not being capable of being in a long-term relationship, which is analogous to the stripper. She could have too much baggage or has no intentions of settling down. By living by these two mantras, I avoid being a tired black man and complaining that all black women are garbage.
My point in all that? I know that the most bootylicious girl with the greatest smile may not necessarily be the right girl for me. So, I avoid the trouble. Some of these MTBW need to figure out what's right for them and know that what's right for them may not coincide with what they [think they] want. I know that chili cheese fries taste so much better than baked chicken, brown rice, and broccoli (basically what I eat for dinner no less than half the time). But I also know that the latter is what's right for my long term diet. Some of the MTBW may not want that guy that is going to be great for them, but they have to realize what's right for them. It may not always be the one that all the other girls want (which is the David Spade Phenomenon...which I will possibly touch on in the future). He may not be at least six feet, three inches tall like he was dreamt to be. He may not be all about That Thing, as my girl Lauryn Hill would say. But you know what, since you are so tired and he's offering you a pillow, rest on it if for a little while (of course only if it is a good pillow...don't just crash on any ole' pillow...lol). You may have a long nap and wake up a rested MSBW.
2. You are in control of the types of men you are approached and courted by. Women will probably disagree with me on this, but hear me out. I just chatted with The Muse about how some of my friends get intimidated by certain women, which shocked the heck out of me. Well, they get intimidated because those women naturally command that we men go about approaching her in a correct manner. She is not necessarily stuck-up or anything like that, but she is not going to go for little games that less classy women play or succumb to. We men have to be legit and have actual merit to back up our game (and yes, unless a man is filthy rich, he will still need some kind of game...lol).
There are so many things I pick up on when checking out a woman before I decide to approach her or talk to her or whatever. It's her whole style. It's about how she dresses and what she wears, how she walks, the kind of bag she has, the kind of shoes she's wearing, her earrings, how she talks, how often she's talking into a cell phone, how she walks, the type of friends she has, among other things. I know you are thinking "what the hell is wrong with this guy?" But all these things are processed by me in a matter of seconds or minutes, it's just that the brain processes many things without our conscious awareness. If any of what I mentioned gives off signals in a certain way, a woman could be approached by a lesser quality of man. I'm not saying that's right or fair, I'm just saying how it is. Women have to be aware of the types of men that they naturally attract an ask themselves if this is what they really want. They will have to decide to accept it and just deal with it, or make the necessary modifications.
3. Just because you made a bad decision or two or got played, that does not mean all black men are horrible. I have had terrible encounters with women in which they were 99% at fault. Even with that, I know that there are plenty of good black women out there (and I'm sort of but not really into one at the moment...but it's a pretty sad story that hasn't really ended...sort of...lol). Just because those 3 or 4 women can go to hell (I'm being facetious of course...), I am not going to cast a large shadow over black women. Just the same for MTBW, they cannot blame all of us for what happened to them. Yeah, your got cheated on, but that was him and not all of us. Yeah, you were not treated with respect, but not all of us did it. The last women I dated wanted someone that would basically be daddy for her. I didn't want a daughter, but rather a partner. While she was smart, funny, beautiful, and sexy, and let it go. I didn't put myself in a position to be taken advantage of, though I wanted a lot of her in many other ways. I'm not saying, "oh, women are all out lookin' for just money and someone to take care of them." Wouldn't that be dumb? Well it's dumb when I hear how I'm looked down upon for something I had nothing to do with.
4. Go out side the box. I keep saying this over and over, but MTBW need to have a more open mindset. Black men (and all of us except your boyfriend, father, brothers, relatives, and your celebrity black male crushes) are all pathetic, right? Well, we black men aren't the only type of man that exists. Trying going outside the race. Why keep giving us a chance if you have determined that we are so terrible. Move on, but for some reason that is not an option. If you are going to keep walking into the fire, you cannot keep complaining to the world how you keep getting burned. Nobody is telling you or making you walk into the fire...
In Closing
MTBW need to just step up and be as they proclaim to be, strong. Being strong is not sitting back and complaining about how things are. Being strong is about making moves, learning from mistakes, and not letting setbacks or bad experiences consume your whole life. I know those Colored Girls were not treated ideally, I get it. While it's ok for a movie like For Colored Girls to be made and released, I just wish that more black women would not self-loath, and just start being strong if they are indeed strong. Also, just know that MTBW are not in the worst condition. Try living in Afghanistan where schools were blown up just because that school allowed female students. Try living in Iran where girls get stoned to death for stupid reasons. Try living in some of these African nations where female mutilation (I'm not calling it circumcision) is practiced on girls. And black women as a whole are doing much better than us black men as a whole. But there is no movement in pop-culture to speak of the black men who have it hard out there or actually does the right thing and gets overlooked. Black women, I love you to death, and I will keep saying that until I die or until the next black woman gives me a hard time (LOL). But I just need all those strong black women to stand up and stop with the self-loathing or complaining about black men and just get over it and move on. For those black women that aren't strong right now, may God lay her Footprints next you until you get that strength to move on and become a Modern Strong Black Woman.
"It's her whole style. It's about how she dresses and what she wears, how she walks, the kind of bag she has, the kind of shoes she's wearing, her earrings, how she talks, how often she's talking into a cell phone, how she walks, the type of friends she has, among other things. I know you are thinking "what the hell is wrong with this guy?" " -
ReplyDeleteLol! The only thing i was thinking is, your didn't process the company she keeps! But ya i feel ya on this one. It's those who proclaim to be "something" aren't and those who don't are.
BTW don't even bother with the movie... unless someone pretty much makes you watch it. My mom was telling me about it. Nothing good to come from it...
Another good one my friend.
...Is that Brian??? lol...But yeah the company she keeps is important too...also i like to see how they act when they are approached by someone they arent interested in...that interesting too...either she does it in a cool way or she acts all stuck up...even if she would end up giving me a chance that would off set my interest a little lol
ReplyDeleteYeah I wasnt bashing the movie at all, but I couldn't help but getting the impression that the movie overall was cliche...nothing fresh about it...And I'm just hating because I'm not a black woman...I'm turned off by lots of movies when I think its cliche...I said the same thing about Takers...Faster...all the Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings knockoffs...all the slasher flicks...etc lol
lol! Sorry, one of my nick names was/is Life.
ReplyDelete