Why Should I Ever Get Married (Part III)
The Facebook Migration Series, Volume II
Originally written July 19, 2009
"No! No! No! If my man does not give me the right kind of diamond, then the marriage is off! I feel that if he does not spend enough on the diamond, then he does not really love me."
About, maybe, a year and a half ago, I was watching a documentary series called "Diamond Road" on the Discovery Channel. The program documents just about everything having to do with these highly heated and pressurized carbon rocks. They cover the meticulous, tedious, and painstaking process of processing a diamond found in a mine all the way to you local Tiffany & Co. I could go on forever about diamonds, about how they are so "precious" while there are vaults filled with them, and being found in minds daily. All I will say is that whoever lead the marketing campaign for diamonds deserves a Congressional Medal of Honor. He/She/They have everyone believing that their product represents eternal love, hence it "lasting forever." Why not a ruby? An emerald? Anyhow, going back to the woman from "Diamond Road," how could she simply abandon the man of her dreams, because he did not buy her the right engagement ring? Maybe she is justified by many people, but it seems gratuitous to me. Many ladies will tell you that there are not many good men out there (which is true and untrue), and she is ready to throw her good man away over some stone?
The subject of this part is the commercialism behind not the marriage itself, but the commercialism of the ceremony that celebrates the couple's start of their eternal journey. I am all for huge parties, but these things can be a huge distraction. I hear how it is every girls dream to grow up to be a princess or whatever. I am not sure about that. I am not saying that is not true, but I just having not been around those women or knew I was around them. What I fear most is there being too much focus on the wedding while ignoring what marriage really is. Do women really want to be married? Or do they desire a wedding more than the marriage? My guess is that most people (men included) think they should be married, while a small percentage really want to be married. An anecdote that stands out to me is derived from the movie, "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins." Martin Lawrence's character was going to marry some pseudo-celebrity. This woman was very superficial, and she wanted "the works" for her wedding. With weddings being primarily about the woman (her father or father-figure passing her along to the groom as if she is property or her wearing white as if she has waited until that night to have sex for the first time), Roscoe (Lawrence) simply with along with it. Being from the south, where humility and strong family ties exists, his father, played by James Earl Jones (his character's name escapes me, because I am really bad with names in movies), did not approve of Roscoe's big city ways.
"Son," James said in his awesomely powerful voice. "Marriage is more that just the wedding day. Me and your mom got married right out there in the front yard..."
What papa Jenkins was telling Roscoe is that expressions of true love are not grand and glorious, but very intimate and sentimental. There is little value in having Beyonce at their wedding as opposed to having only people that really love and care for them.
As a young man that is a recent college graduate from a working-class background, what am I to do? To show the woman I love that I truly love her, I have to comply with the customs that are very costly. Recently getting out of college means that I already have loans, and have not worked my way up to a position in which I make very good money. Given these factors, I must spend 3 months salary on a ring, deposits for the venue, invitations, cake, catering, photography, clothing, limos, drinks, music, and so on. My only hope is to have a woman with rich parents! However, that is highly unlikely. Research shows that socioeconomic status (SES) is one of the leading factors of mate selection, along with proximity and looks (I know I should cite this statement, but I do not feel like it) . In other words, us working class guys tends to get the working class woman, the middle class guy the middle class woman, and so forth. What will I do! Incur even more debt? Not have a wedding? The prospects are pretty daunting to me unless we could come up with an outstanding savings plan, which is far easier said than done.
My whole point of this part is addressing the commercialization of the wedding, and, subsequently, the marriage. In our culture of wanting to do it big (see My Sweet 16 or consistent multi-million dollar celebrity weddings), I fear that is getting in the way of what the wedding is supposed to be about. A celebration me and her starting our journey into the eternal vastness that is our true love. If I am going to be there, is not me being there enough to make that the best day of her life?
To be continued...
Originally written July 19, 2009
About, maybe, a year and a half ago, I was watching a documentary series called "Diamond Road" on the Discovery Channel. The program documents just about everything having to do with these highly heated and pressurized carbon rocks. They cover the meticulous, tedious, and painstaking process of processing a diamond found in a mine all the way to you local Tiffany & Co. I could go on forever about diamonds, about how they are so "precious" while there are vaults filled with them, and being found in minds daily. All I will say is that whoever lead the marketing campaign for diamonds deserves a Congressional Medal of Honor. He/She/They have everyone believing that their product represents eternal love, hence it "lasting forever." Why not a ruby? An emerald? Anyhow, going back to the woman from "Diamond Road," how could she simply abandon the man of her dreams, because he did not buy her the right engagement ring? Maybe she is justified by many people, but it seems gratuitous to me. Many ladies will tell you that there are not many good men out there (which is true and untrue), and she is ready to throw her good man away over some stone?
The subject of this part is the commercialism behind not the marriage itself, but the commercialism of the ceremony that celebrates the couple's start of their eternal journey. I am all for huge parties, but these things can be a huge distraction. I hear how it is every girls dream to grow up to be a princess or whatever. I am not sure about that. I am not saying that is not true, but I just having not been around those women or knew I was around them. What I fear most is there being too much focus on the wedding while ignoring what marriage really is. Do women really want to be married? Or do they desire a wedding more than the marriage? My guess is that most people (men included) think they should be married, while a small percentage really want to be married. An anecdote that stands out to me is derived from the movie, "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins." Martin Lawrence's character was going to marry some pseudo-celebrity. This woman was very superficial, and she wanted "the works" for her wedding. With weddings being primarily about the woman (her father or father-figure passing her along to the groom as if she is property or her wearing white as if she has waited until that night to have sex for the first time), Roscoe (Lawrence) simply with along with it. Being from the south, where humility and strong family ties exists, his father, played by James Earl Jones (his character's name escapes me, because I am really bad with names in movies), did not approve of Roscoe's big city ways.
"Son," James said in his awesomely powerful voice. "Marriage is more that just the wedding day. Me and your mom got married right out there in the front yard..."
What papa Jenkins was telling Roscoe is that expressions of true love are not grand and glorious, but very intimate and sentimental. There is little value in having Beyonce at their wedding as opposed to having only people that really love and care for them.
As a young man that is a recent college graduate from a working-class background, what am I to do? To show the woman I love that I truly love her, I have to comply with the customs that are very costly. Recently getting out of college means that I already have loans, and have not worked my way up to a position in which I make very good money. Given these factors, I must spend 3 months salary on a ring, deposits for the venue, invitations, cake, catering, photography, clothing, limos, drinks, music, and so on. My only hope is to have a woman with rich parents! However, that is highly unlikely. Research shows that socioeconomic status (SES) is one of the leading factors of mate selection, along with proximity and looks (I know I should cite this statement, but I do not feel like it) . In other words, us working class guys tends to get the working class woman, the middle class guy the middle class woman, and so forth. What will I do! Incur even more debt? Not have a wedding? The prospects are pretty daunting to me unless we could come up with an outstanding savings plan, which is far easier said than done.
My whole point of this part is addressing the commercialization of the wedding, and, subsequently, the marriage. In our culture of wanting to do it big (see My Sweet 16 or consistent multi-million dollar celebrity weddings), I fear that is getting in the way of what the wedding is supposed to be about. A celebration me and her starting our journey into the eternal vastness that is our true love. If I am going to be there, is not me being there enough to make that the best day of her life?
To be continued...
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