Why Should I Ever Get Married (Part IV)
The Facebook Migration Series, Volume II
Originally written July 20, 2009
As I mentioned before, I am on a quest to find true meaning in the things that make up life. Perhaps, we should not engage in questions about the meaning of life, but rather focus on all the things that make up life. In my four-part note, I wanted to explore the concept of marriage, at least how it exists in my era. Watching that promo for the plus-sized Bachelor led me on a campaign to analyze marriage with respect to my observations and experiences. This may be hard to believe, but I never meant to be or come off as someone that is anti-marriage. I am all for each individuals' beliefs. In other words, if it works for you, and it makes you happy, then I am all for it. Also, I will try and think about what is good for me.
So, in this final part of my "Facebook Note," for lack of a better term, I will finally answer the question at hand, why should I ever get married?
When I was in high school, I felt, for the first time, strong feelings for a girl. This was not the classical $1 booty grab (see "The Wood") or "chase" that went on in elementary school, this was can't stop thinking about her type stuff. It felt just as strangely good as my first nocturnal emission (sorry if that is too much info, but I have a point to drive home here). I can remember when my grandmother and I were on our way to church one Sunday morning. As customary for teens in those days, I had my "O.G." Compact Disc Player. I loved that thing. Anyhow, I was listening to a song called "Everything," by Brian McKnight. It was then whenI first thought of what it would be like to ever have that One. That One would be the woman I will cherish for the rest of my life. I thought of seeing her walking down the aisle, and me being her number one person on the best day of her life. I can still remember those stares out the car window. I did not see trees, asphalt, graffiti, or other cars, I saw my life in eternal bliss all because of the thought of the One. At that time, I forget who the girl was, or if there was even any particular girl at all. Nonetheless, whether or not she existed, she was awesome.
I am one that loves women. When I say I love women, I am not talking purely in a sexual-romantic kind of way (though that is a huge part of it), but just overall. When I want to talk, just talk, I seek out one of my woman friends. When I am feeling lost or down, I seek out a woman. Over the years, since I was a boy, I have had, and still have, a plethora of female friends. I love my dogs (male friends) too, but they provide a different type of support, which is just as beneficial of course.
Given my affection for women, I am acutely aware of how terribly they have been treated throughout the history of our civilization. Human beings have seen men blow up schools that educate women, the Salem Witch Trials, genital mutilation (especially in some parts of Africa), victimized by human trafficking, blamed for the world's troubles for Original Sin (a non-biblical concept, by the way), killed when they cannot produce a child with the right gender (also, sex determination is totally biologically determined by the male, for he carries the male chromosome), the sources of heinous rapes and murders by Bill Rader and Ted Bundy among many others. I am seriously getting teary-eyed just talking and thinking about it. As if that was not enough, nature has given them the consolation of having the threat of death when they are doing something so noble as to give our species life. They must look at death every time they do us humans a favor by having a child (thankfully it is not as big a deal in modern times due to medical advances and innovations). Women were not even allowed to vote for a Presidential candidate until the 1920 election! Some of our great-grandmother's could not vote as women. This not until a half-century after the abolishment of slavery.
One of my favorite recent books is "The Da Vinci Code," by Dan Brown. I usually do not read novels, but I decided to try to see what the hype was about. I was stunned at what I read. I was not into all the conspiracy theories too much. Besides, it was fiction and I do not get why the pious got so upset about it. What I took out of the book was the emphasis on the woman and her role in society over the history of our civilization. Once upon a time, women were actually revered, and held in high regard in society. Dan Brown points this out. He also points out how the woman has been displaced in society by men with all their power mongering, warring, greed, and oppression. Someone trying to defend men would say, well what about Queen Elizabeth or Marcos of the Philippines? Well, there were female leaders that had to do what they had to do to survive in a man's world. We, as Brown would put it, need to bring women back into the fold to restore that balance relieve some of the ills of society. I may be crazy, but I really believe this with every bit of my heart, mind, and soul.
Just recently, I Netflixed "He's Just Not That Into You." I was aware that it may be a typical, cliche romantic comedy, but I have to admit it had some pretty good moments. The characters of interest were those (again, I am horrible with characters' names in movies) played by Jennifer Anastassakis (Aniston) and Ben Affleck. They were together for seven years without being married, and, quite frankly, Aniston was fed up. They had an argument about it and Affleck was given the great ultimatum in which he did not respond to. They subsequently broke up. Affleck's position is that of not believing in marriage because he views it as pointless. He feels that their relationship was doing fine without marriage. If we are happy together, what is the need for marriage anyway, he thought. Aniston, on the other hand, had an interesting response. She had a look on her face as if to say, "gee, you are right." I felt that Aniston knew he had valid points, but she wanted her wedding and marriage! She loved him to death, but she could not stand going on without being married. This was unacceptable, so unacceptable that she ended their relationship, and Ben moved to his boat.
Aniston went to her younger sister's wedding where she was mocked for being unmarried and middle-aged. During the reception, her father collapsed with a heart attack. In the ensuing weeks, Aniston moved in with her father to help take care of him. She found that with all the people in the house, she was the only one taking care of her dad and everything else around the house. She was lost. She was lost until out of the blue, Ben shows up and starting doing the dishes. Aniston did not know he was there initially, and later discovered him helping her out. She could do nothing, but weep and give him a strong hug. That moment represented what Ben really meant to her, and this is without them being married. She realized what she had, and they got back together under the same conditions there were before they broke up.
It did not end there. One day, while they were relaxing at home and doing some reflecting, Aniston was taking away Ben's old pants. "Before you throw those pants away, you may want to check the pockets," Ben yelled out with his Clooney-like smirk. Inside the pathetic cargo shorts was a ring enclosed in a box. Ben hurried over to tell her (I am paraphrasing because I do not remember all the words), "All I know is that i love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, whatever it takes." Naturally, Aniston was overwhelmed, overjoyed and relieved. In that moment, they were able to solidify their true love by making ultimate sacrifices. Aniston was willing to give up her dream of marriage, and Ben have up his position of not believing in marriage. Ben did it for her, and, subsequently, himself and the both of them.
I had a short conversation with a woman I admire. She is married. We were talking about the subject being presented here. She is smart, beautiful, down to earth, and has a vibrant, but not too goofy, sense of humor. She possesses that perfect balance of confidence and humility that I so desperately covet. She is well-balanced by being serious about her goals while knowing how and when to have fun. It is only natural that she is married! Anyhow, I remember her saying how she new exactly what her husband was, and that he is far from perfect. But it is those imperfections that she accepts and loves just as much as his perfections. Given everything, she new she wanted to be with this man for the rest of her life and beyond. They have already been through a tough moment at their young age, and they blew through it as if it were a fun time rather than trying time. She is a woman that "gets it." I even asked her, "man, would you even marry him if he didn't give you a ring?" Naturally, being who I am, I was being facetious, but she took me up on it anyway. She looked at me and said, "I would have," and I believed her. She mentioned the story about how he had to get the wedding ring, details I will spare the attention. But, it was awesome, nonetheless. I hope he realizes what he has, and I'm positive he does.
So, why should I ever get married? Given how I feel about women mixed with my thoughts about the many facets of marriage, it is the woman. That is why I would marry the right woman for me regardless of how I feel or what I think about anything. Women have been through so much throughout history, that they deserve anything they want. If they want a wedding, then dammit, a wedding I will give. If I ever get lucky enough to find a woman like the woman mentioned above, I will be more than willing to get trampled on when she turns into Bridezilla! I will get her the best damned ring I could possibly give her despite my finances. I will wear the hell out my tuxedo (with a necktie, of course), and I am going to like it whether I like it or not. I am going to see her in her white dress (of course, if that is what she chooses) and she will be pure regardless of what went on before that day. Like that guy from the Men's Warehouse commercial said, while everybody is looking at her, she will be looking at me, and my heart will be taken aghast, not knowing if it should continue beating. We will have our first dance, and there will be absolutely NO ELECTRIC SLIDE! I will do everything in my power to make sure that that becomes the best day of her life yet. Most importantly, I am going to be there for her when she is looking me when there is nobody looking at her.
I am currently living a paradox. There are pros and cons to being a bachelor with total independence in my own apartment, working, schooling , hanging out, and exploring what different woman have to offer until my match comes along, et cetera. I am not worried about never finding that woman. In fact, I'm surprisingly very optimistic about it. At the same time, I cannot wait until that day comes. So, I can wait and cannot wait at the same time.
Originally written July 20, 2009
So, in this final part of my "Facebook Note," for lack of a better term, I will finally answer the question at hand, why should I ever get married?
When I was in high school, I felt, for the first time, strong feelings for a girl. This was not the classical $1 booty grab (see "The Wood") or "chase" that went on in elementary school, this was can't stop thinking about her type stuff. It felt just as strangely good as my first nocturnal emission (sorry if that is too much info, but I have a point to drive home here). I can remember when my grandmother and I were on our way to church one Sunday morning. As customary for teens in those days, I had my "O.G." Compact Disc Player. I loved that thing. Anyhow, I was listening to a song called "Everything," by Brian McKnight. It was then whenI first thought of what it would be like to ever have that One. That One would be the woman I will cherish for the rest of my life. I thought of seeing her walking down the aisle, and me being her number one person on the best day of her life. I can still remember those stares out the car window. I did not see trees, asphalt, graffiti, or other cars, I saw my life in eternal bliss all because of the thought of the One. At that time, I forget who the girl was, or if there was even any particular girl at all. Nonetheless, whether or not she existed, she was awesome.
I am one that loves women. When I say I love women, I am not talking purely in a sexual-romantic kind of way (though that is a huge part of it), but just overall. When I want to talk, just talk, I seek out one of my woman friends. When I am feeling lost or down, I seek out a woman. Over the years, since I was a boy, I have had, and still have, a plethora of female friends. I love my dogs (male friends) too, but they provide a different type of support, which is just as beneficial of course.
Given my affection for women, I am acutely aware of how terribly they have been treated throughout the history of our civilization. Human beings have seen men blow up schools that educate women, the Salem Witch Trials, genital mutilation (especially in some parts of Africa), victimized by human trafficking, blamed for the world's troubles for Original Sin (a non-biblical concept, by the way), killed when they cannot produce a child with the right gender (also, sex determination is totally biologically determined by the male, for he carries the male chromosome), the sources of heinous rapes and murders by Bill Rader and Ted Bundy among many others. I am seriously getting teary-eyed just talking and thinking about it. As if that was not enough, nature has given them the consolation of having the threat of death when they are doing something so noble as to give our species life. They must look at death every time they do us humans a favor by having a child (thankfully it is not as big a deal in modern times due to medical advances and innovations). Women were not even allowed to vote for a Presidential candidate until the 1920 election! Some of our great-grandmother's could not vote as women. This not until a half-century after the abolishment of slavery.
One of my favorite recent books is "The Da Vinci Code," by Dan Brown. I usually do not read novels, but I decided to try to see what the hype was about. I was stunned at what I read. I was not into all the conspiracy theories too much. Besides, it was fiction and I do not get why the pious got so upset about it. What I took out of the book was the emphasis on the woman and her role in society over the history of our civilization. Once upon a time, women were actually revered, and held in high regard in society. Dan Brown points this out. He also points out how the woman has been displaced in society by men with all their power mongering, warring, greed, and oppression. Someone trying to defend men would say, well what about Queen Elizabeth or Marcos of the Philippines? Well, there were female leaders that had to do what they had to do to survive in a man's world. We, as Brown would put it, need to bring women back into the fold to restore that balance relieve some of the ills of society. I may be crazy, but I really believe this with every bit of my heart, mind, and soul.
Just recently, I Netflixed "He's Just Not That Into You." I was aware that it may be a typical, cliche romantic comedy, but I have to admit it had some pretty good moments. The characters of interest were those (again, I am horrible with characters' names in movies) played by Jennifer Anastassakis (Aniston) and Ben Affleck. They were together for seven years without being married, and, quite frankly, Aniston was fed up. They had an argument about it and Affleck was given the great ultimatum in which he did not respond to. They subsequently broke up. Affleck's position is that of not believing in marriage because he views it as pointless. He feels that their relationship was doing fine without marriage. If we are happy together, what is the need for marriage anyway, he thought. Aniston, on the other hand, had an interesting response. She had a look on her face as if to say, "gee, you are right." I felt that Aniston knew he had valid points, but she wanted her wedding and marriage! She loved him to death, but she could not stand going on without being married. This was unacceptable, so unacceptable that she ended their relationship, and Ben moved to his boat.
Aniston went to her younger sister's wedding where she was mocked for being unmarried and middle-aged. During the reception, her father collapsed with a heart attack. In the ensuing weeks, Aniston moved in with her father to help take care of him. She found that with all the people in the house, she was the only one taking care of her dad and everything else around the house. She was lost. She was lost until out of the blue, Ben shows up and starting doing the dishes. Aniston did not know he was there initially, and later discovered him helping her out. She could do nothing, but weep and give him a strong hug. That moment represented what Ben really meant to her, and this is without them being married. She realized what she had, and they got back together under the same conditions there were before they broke up.
It did not end there. One day, while they were relaxing at home and doing some reflecting, Aniston was taking away Ben's old pants. "Before you throw those pants away, you may want to check the pockets," Ben yelled out with his Clooney-like smirk. Inside the pathetic cargo shorts was a ring enclosed in a box. Ben hurried over to tell her (I am paraphrasing because I do not remember all the words), "All I know is that i love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, whatever it takes." Naturally, Aniston was overwhelmed, overjoyed and relieved. In that moment, they were able to solidify their true love by making ultimate sacrifices. Aniston was willing to give up her dream of marriage, and Ben have up his position of not believing in marriage. Ben did it for her, and, subsequently, himself and the both of them.
I had a short conversation with a woman I admire. She is married. We were talking about the subject being presented here. She is smart, beautiful, down to earth, and has a vibrant, but not too goofy, sense of humor. She possesses that perfect balance of confidence and humility that I so desperately covet. She is well-balanced by being serious about her goals while knowing how and when to have fun. It is only natural that she is married! Anyhow, I remember her saying how she new exactly what her husband was, and that he is far from perfect. But it is those imperfections that she accepts and loves just as much as his perfections. Given everything, she new she wanted to be with this man for the rest of her life and beyond. They have already been through a tough moment at their young age, and they blew through it as if it were a fun time rather than trying time. She is a woman that "gets it." I even asked her, "man, would you even marry him if he didn't give you a ring?" Naturally, being who I am, I was being facetious, but she took me up on it anyway. She looked at me and said, "I would have," and I believed her. She mentioned the story about how he had to get the wedding ring, details I will spare the attention. But, it was awesome, nonetheless. I hope he realizes what he has, and I'm positive he does.
So, why should I ever get married? Given how I feel about women mixed with my thoughts about the many facets of marriage, it is the woman. That is why I would marry the right woman for me regardless of how I feel or what I think about anything. Women have been through so much throughout history, that they deserve anything they want. If they want a wedding, then dammit, a wedding I will give. If I ever get lucky enough to find a woman like the woman mentioned above, I will be more than willing to get trampled on when she turns into Bridezilla! I will get her the best damned ring I could possibly give her despite my finances. I will wear the hell out my tuxedo (with a necktie, of course), and I am going to like it whether I like it or not. I am going to see her in her white dress (of course, if that is what she chooses) and she will be pure regardless of what went on before that day. Like that guy from the Men's Warehouse commercial said, while everybody is looking at her, she will be looking at me, and my heart will be taken aghast, not knowing if it should continue beating. We will have our first dance, and there will be absolutely NO ELECTRIC SLIDE! I will do everything in my power to make sure that that becomes the best day of her life yet. Most importantly, I am going to be there for her when she is looking me when there is nobody looking at her.
I am currently living a paradox. There are pros and cons to being a bachelor with total independence in my own apartment, working, schooling , hanging out, and exploring what different woman have to offer until my match comes along, et cetera. I am not worried about never finding that woman. In fact, I'm surprisingly very optimistic about it. At the same time, I cannot wait until that day comes. So, I can wait and cannot wait at the same time.
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